Seize the Day

Have you been meaning to sign up for Parenting Through a Jewish Lens?

Seize the day and the discount and register now! Today is the last day to take advantage of the early bird registration fee.

Need a reminder of what you’ll get out of this program? 

Read up on why others have loved PTJL

PTJL For Parents of Children with Special Needs

Arlene Remz, Executive Director of Gateways: Access to Jewish Education, writes about the new, exciting partnership between Parenting Through a Jewish Lens and Gateways this fall.

At Gateways, the focus is on children and teens.  We love the wonderful bar and bat mitzvah stories, the examples of students making great strides at school, and the pictures of high school volunteers and Sunday program participants laughing at a Purim carnival.  Our Day School Programs, Jewish Education Programs, Teen Volunteer Programs, and Gateways to College directly serve young people, while Community Services and Professional Development help students by supporting their teachers and schools.  Parents and families get support through all these programs, but I have to admit that support has been indirect.

Not any more.  This fall CJP and Hebrew College will offer a special Parenting Through a Jewish Lens (Ikkarim) class for parents of children with special needs.  Parenting Through a Jewish Lens is a 10-week course for parents that explores core values through discussion and some text study.  Led by expert instructors, the focus is on conversations about the questions that really matter: What is my vision of parenting? How can I help my child identify a good path?  How can I help my family through dark times?  How do I talk to my child about God?

Jacob Meskin, Academic Director of Adult Learning at Hebrew College and co-author of the curriculum, explained the thinking behind the class this way: “When you have a child, you change the way you think, you have a new set of things to work out.  Judaism has a lot of wisdom about these kinds of issues, such as creating a family environment, getting along with your spouse, and raising children.”  A parent who took Ikkarim described its power simply, "This program enabled me to slow down and think about how I want to raise my child."

Parenting through a Jewish Lens is offered in synagogues and communities throughout the Greater Boston area, and parents of children with special needs have been among the almost 1,000 who have already participated.  But I believe that there is a place for a Parenting Through a Jewish Lens class specifically for those parents. The class can help build a sense of community among parents of children with special needs, who may welcome conversations with others who have similar experiences.  In a shared space these parents can get the support from Jewish tradition that every parent looks for.   As Meskin explains, all parents need “the sense that they matter, the strength to cope with their challenges, and help finding a way to God for them and their children.”

We coordinated with Hebrew College to offer this program at the same time and place as the Gateways Sunday Program---Sunday mornings from 9:30-11 at Solomon Schechter Day School of Greater Boston.  This way, while the students are in their Gateways classes, the parents will meet nearby.  If someone is interested in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens for parents of children with special needs but their child is not presently in the Sunday program, this is a twofer—the opportunity to enroll in two wonderful programs, one for you and one for your child.  And there is babysitting for siblings if you need it!

Three Important Lessons from PTJL

Carla Naumburg, a mother of two in Newton and a regular blogger for kveller.com, participated in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens at Mayyim Hayyim this past year. Registration for the fall program is now open - take advantage of a registration discount before the end of May.

Raising Jewish children isn't easy. Not only is there so much to know (prayers, songs, recipes, and rituals) and so much to do (celebrating holidays, teaching our children, and learning how to *not do* on Shabbat), but we're doing it all in the diaspora, minorities in a majority culture.

I thought I was the only one who found it hard. I thought all of the other parents out there knew how to do this stuff, how to celebrate Shabbat on Friday nights or put together a Passover craft for an entire preschool class. I assumed it was just because I was raised in a secular home; although I have spent the past 15 years catching up on my Jewish education, I don't have the experience of being a Jewish child. I often feel like I'm starting from scratch.

 

Fortunately, I have a supportive, engaged husband with a strong Jewish upbringing. That helps a lot. We belong to Congregation Dorshei Tzedek, a participatory and accessible congregation. That also helps. Yet I still felt alone in my experience of not knowing enough, not doing enough, not being a good enough Jewish parent.

That changed when I participated in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens this past fall. Not only did I continue my Jewish education, but I also learned three important lessons: first, I actually know more than I ever realized; second, no matter how much you know, there is always so much more to learn, and third, I am definitely not alone in feeling inadequate when it comes to running a Jewish home and raising Jewish children. The women in our class were open and honest about their experiences, and I am so grateful for their willingness to share their own struggles and challenges.

As we approach Shavuot in just a few more weeks, I can't help but remember what the Jews said when they received the Torah at Mt. Sinai: "na'aseh v'nishma"-- "we will do and we will understand." Scholars much smarter than me have pointed to this as a guide for Jewish living; we are to perform the mitzvot first, and the knowledge and wisdom will follow. My participation in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens helped build my confidence in my own ability to continue down the path of Jewish parenting, even if I don't always know exactly what I am doing, or why I am doing it. 

Parenting & Judaism - Lifelong Learning Journeys

Last Sunday afternoon, our 3-½ year old, Nora, put on her favorite dress-up clothes (Snow White Dress, butterfly wings, fairy wand), stood up on a chair, and began to sing “Shabbat Shalom” into her toy microphone.

“Mommy,” she asked, “Is today Shabbat?”

“No,” Jessie answered, “But you can practice the song if you’d like.”

She continued joyously, welcoming our dog, our fish, the sofa, her dolls, and us to Shabbat. One of the most exciting things for us about the year in which we finally took Parenting Through a Jewish Lens (Ikkarim) is that it so closely matched Nora’s first year of identifying, and appreciating, the Jewish rituals in our lives. She has met each one with a delight and curiosity that is invigorating and exciting. We feel even more equipped to nurture this after ten sessions with Rabbi David Jaffe at Temple Hillel B’nai Torah in West Roxbury.


Our Parenting Through a Jewish Lens class created an important rhythm for our family life over its 10-class span. As a couple, it gave us a cherished 90-minutes to reflect together upon things we rarely get to in our daily lives. At a baseline, we dove into topics that challenged us to consider what it means to be a parent and our hopes and dreams for our children. The structure allowed us to dig deeper, too, to think about what we personally hope to teach our children and what we most want to pass along to help them define themselves spiritually and religiously. The curriculum beautifully wove together parenting and religious topics with a diversity of Jewish texts and commentaries, many new to us, reminding us of the richness of Jewish learning.

For us, Parenting Through a Jewish Lens was an important step in our journey as a couple and a family. It was also a reminder that there is still so much more to do, and to learn, as we blaze our path. We finished the course feeling energized, refreshed, and eager to take our next step.

We are thrilled about this next step, which, as it turns out, is a continuation of our Parenting Through a Jewish Lens involvement. Beginning this month we will be co-chairing the new Parenting Through a Jewish Lens Recruitment Committee, a gathering of alumni who will help the program reach even more parents and families. We received a great gift through the program, and are excited about helping bring it to more people.

We’d love to have you join us in this new venture. There is still time to join the Committee (just contact Elisha Gechter at Hebrew College at egechter@heberwcollege.edu). If you are an alumnus of the program but the Committee is more than you can do, we hope you will take some time over the next six months to reach out to someone new and let them know about Parenting Through a Jewish Lens. And if you haven’t taken the course yet, we encourage you to do so in 2012 – both parenting and Judaism are lifelong learning journeys, and this is a great year to give a boost to both.

Jessie & Eric Boatright

Subjective Love and Chosenness

Natan Margalit, president of Organic Torah, has been a beloved teacher in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens for many years. He lives in Newton with his wife and two sons - here he shares about his teaching experience this year.

 

We recently finished our last session in the Parenting Through a Jewish Lens group at Congregation Kerem Shalom in Concord. It was a wonderful group and they are planning to continue their learning with a couple of follow up sessions this spring – they couldn’t get enough! Or maybe it was that we never finished any of the topics, so absorbed did we get in our conversations, leaving a lot of interesting material in the workbooks yet to be explored.

In the last of the 10 sessions we tackled the sticky topic of “chosenness.” Participants generally do not take to something that appears to set the Jewish people apart from the rest of humanity. Yet I have found that it is a very good session in which to talk about parenting. In trying to share with the participants my own view of chosenness, I find myself using the metaphor of parents and children. We were holding this last session outside as a picnic class, and many of our kids were running around the synagogue yard, playing and horsing around. My kids were there, too. I pointed out that I personally feel that my kids are the best, most beautiful, brilliant and talented kids in the world. But I understood that the other parents there might feel the same thing about their kids. It is natural and good, I argued, for kids to feel that they are loved with a special love that their parents don’t feel for just any kid, and parents may be forgiven for subjectively feeling love for their kids that is greater than for anyone else’s kids. But, I also know, in my more objective moments, that these beliefs about our own children being the best is only subjectively true – other parents feel the same way about their kids.

So, I suggested, perhaps that is what we mean by Jewish chosenness. Perhaps we as a people can legitimately feel that God loves us in a special way, and has chosen us, as long as we know that other nations and people also have the right to feel that way as well. I mentioned that the Dalai Lama, when he met with Jewish leaders, said that he loved that fact that the Jewish people were chosen – because the Tibetan people were chosen, too!

Of course, not everyone accepted my analogy. It opened up a lively discussion about God and the Jewish people and also about parenting and how we love our kids. It was, in my subjective opinion, a good way to finish our course in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens.

Sign up for Parenting Through a Jewish Lens before the end of May and save. Click here for our list of fall sites and click here to register.

Where Will PTJL Be Offered in the Fall?

There are a record number of sites that hope to host Parenting Through a Jewish Lens in the fall. Below you will find a list of the times and locations - we hope you will find one that works for you.

And if you have other questions about the program, peruse the FAQS answered below.

BROOKLINE
Coolidge Corner Collaborative
Kehillath Israel
Sundays, 10:00-11:30 a.m.

BOSTON
Temple Israel
Sundays, 9:00-10:30 a.m.
Sundays, 11:30 a.m.-1:00 p.m.

BURLINGTON
Temple Shalom Emeth
Sundays, 9:30-11:00 a.m.

CAMBRIDGE

Kesher
Sundays, 10:00-11:30 a.m.

HOLLISTON

Temple Beth Torah
Sundays, 8:45-10:15 a.m.

NATICK
Temple Israel
Wednesdays, 9:15-10:45 a.m.

NEEDHAM
Temple Beth Shalom
Tuesdays, 7:30-9:00 p.m.

NEWTON
Congregation Dorshei Tzedek
Sundays, 7:30-9:00 p.m.

NEWTON

Leventhal-Sidman JCC
Sundays, 9:30-11:00 a.m.

NEWTON

TempleEmanuel
Sundays, 10:00-11:30 a.m.

NEWTON

For parents of children with special needs:
Solomon Schechter Day School
Sundays, 9:30-11:00 a.m.

SHARON
Young Israel or at a private, local home Sundays, 9:30-11:00 a.m.

WAYLAND
Congregation Or Atid
Sundays, 9:30-11:00 a.m.

WAYLAND

TempleShirTikva
Thursdays, 9:15-10:45 a.m.

WELLESLEY
Temple Beth Elohim
Mondays, 7:30-9:00 p.m.

Parenting Through a Jewish Lens FAQs

• What is the cost for the course?
• $145 per person; $240 per couple
• Early registration: $125 per person and $220 per couple before May 31^st
• Are there scholarships available?
• Yes, while we do not give 100% scholarships, we always find a way to make the program affordable for each student. Simply email Elisha with any scholarship requests at elishagechter@hebrewcollege.edu
• When does the program begin?
• In the fall of 2012 – late October/early November.
• What does the curriculum cover?
• The curriculum focuses on four overarching realms: Outward Bound, Inward Bound, Upward Bound and Homeward Bound. Topics within these realms include: How can I help my child identify a good path? How can I help my family through dark times? How do I talk to my child about God? What is my relationship to a homeland and a people?
• Can I participate as a single parents?
• Yes!
• Can I participate if I am not Jewish? 
• Yes, we encourage your participation!
• Can my partner participate with me if the/she is not Jewish?
• Yes. Interfaith couples find this course affords them a common vocabulary and helps them to think about their family’s values together.
• How many sessions are there in the program?
• There are ten sessions, as well as one opportunity to gather with the class outside of the formal setting.
• Do the classes break for school and other holidays?
• Yes, we work the class calendars around the public school and holiday calendars.
• How long are the sessions?
• Each session is an hour and a half long.
• Do I have to be a synagogue member to sign up at a synagogue site?
• No, all are welcome.
• Is there babysitting available?
• There is free on-site babysitting for all daytime classes
• Who are the childcare providers?
• We have been working with a trusted company, Parents in a Pinch, for seven years. They are responsible and responsive and parents rave about them.
• Is there any instruction for the children?
• Children are entertained while their parents are in class; they are furnished with age appropriate toys and books and engage in activities offered by the Parents in a Pinch childcare providers.
• Can I use childcare for only some of the sessions?
• Yes, but you must pre-register your children with Elisha Gechter and let her know the dates you plan on using childcare.  It is not a drop-in service.
• Who will my instructor be?
• We have a wonderful faculty of local educators – you can read their bios on our website: www.hebrewcollege.edu/parenting. Faculty assignments are made over the summer.
• What if I have to miss a session?
• It is understandable when people have to miss a session or two. Be in touch with your instructor and perhaps you can work out a way to catch up on the material.
• Is there homework?
• We provide suggested take home activities to bring sessions’ lessons into your home, but there is no required reading or homework prior to each session.
• Do I need any Jewish/ educational background or knowledge of Hebrew?
• Not at all.

For more information please visit www.hebrewcollege.edu/parenting

Freedom to Choose

Sabrina Burger, long time Parenting Through a Jewish Lens instructor, shares her thoughts as she prepares for Passover.

As I prepare to clean my house for Passover, to get rid of chametz—anything leavened—I am reflecting on the meaning of slavery and freedom. 

I would like to share a brief paragraph from The Survival Kit Family Haggadah that rings true for me:

"When is the best time for someone to learn about freedom? To this question the reply in the Haggdah is "When matza and maror (bitter herbs) are in front of you." Matza symbolizes freedom whereas maror represents the bitterness of slavery. Why do we need to have both on the table to learn about freedom? Life presents us constantly with choices. Being aware of our choices—our capacity to control and direct our thoughts, words, actions and reactions—is a prerequisite to freedom. These choices, some of them "big" but most of them not, are an ever present reality. At all times they are literally in front of us, and on some level each constitutes the choice between slavery and freedom."

What I like about this idea is that freedom is not a one-time final destination. Our freedom to choose can happen every day in even small ways; in the habits we practice and through the attitudes we acquire. As we bring more consciousness into our relationships with our kids, our spouses, and ourselves we have the opportunity for personal growth—the opposite of slavery.

This year make your seders particularly engaging for young children with these helpful hints from our talented Parenting Through a Jewish Lens faculty.