Yes, Matzah Matters!

There were over 60 people at our "Matzah Matters" event yesterday at Hebrew College for local families and Parenting Through a Jewish Lens alumni.

Check back later this week for Passover resources and recipes!

Kids enjoy creating Passover crafts for the Seder table

More crafting and playing

Parents learn with Rabbi Julie Zupan, discussing how they can make the Seder more engaging for kids

Parents also learned with Rabbi Natan Margalit about involving adults as questioners and participants in the Seder

The food served was inspired by Seder cuisine

Parents peruse resources to help make their Seders come alive

Q&A with a Parenting Through a Jewish Lens Alum

Native New Englanders David and Alison Lobron live in West Newton with their two children and are members of Congregation Dorshei Tzedek. They participated in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens this past fall at their synagogue and David answered some questions for us about his experience. 

What prompted you to sign up for the course?
My wife and I took this course because we wanted to try Jewish learning together, and we were excited to do it with members of our community.  We had taken an earlier Parenting Through a Jewish Lens/Ikkarim class in a different synagogue, and while that was enjoyable, we found that we got more out of it by taking it in our own community.


How did you manage the time commitment?
Since we took an evening class, free babysitting wasn't offered. We hired a babysitter for Sunday nights so we'd both be able to go.  This worked out very well - we had a lot of conversations about the class together that would not have been possible if only one of us had gone.


What makes this a “Jewish” parenting course?
The study materials, plus the fact that we were taking it with members of our Jewish community.  I found it very stimulating to talk about parenting in the context of Judaism, and to see how other people work with the challenges that we all face.


Can you share one or two insights from the course that have stayed with you?
The sessions on Israel and Jewish chosen-ness were quite interesting, because people had very different points of view.  I think the Israel session was my favorite, even though we had some disagreements, because it was clearly on many people's minds.  Our class really spanned the political spectrum.


What did the instructor say or do to create a safe and stimulating learning environment?
I like that the instructor challenged us a bit.  Our congregation is a very liberal Reconstructionist one, and I found it refreshing to read some more conservative texts, e.g., those from Joseph Soloveitchik or Abraham Joshua Heschel.  I don't think our instructor was out to change minds, but I think it helped people see alternative approaches to some topics.


How might Jewish wisdom inform choices you make as a parent?
We've gained a tremendous amount just by being part of a community.  I feel much more resilient and supported than I would feel if we did not have community support.

We invite you join us on Sunday March 10th for Matzah Matters - a free event open to the entire community that includes learning and babysitting/kids holiday craft projects.

To Learn and to Teach

Rabbi Sharon Clevenger, a recent addition to our Parenting Through a Jewish Lens faculty, is the middle-school rabbi at the Rashi School in Dedham and the mother of two young daughters.

Today in my Parenting Through a Jewish Lens class, I learned something so elegant and inspiring that I wish I had thought of! I can’t wait to try it out in my own life.  I pretty much come home to my husband after every class and say this very same thing. Which is exactly what the framers of this course want - they hope that the small and large “aha moments” inspired by exchanges among teachers and learners will lead to lives more meaningfully lived.  I love and look forward to what I will learn each Sunday.  And I am the instructor.

There is a prayer in the morning service called Ahava Raba.  It thanks God for showing divine love for us (the Jewish people) by giving us the gift of Torah.  It asks God to have mercy on us by giving us what we need to: “understand and discern, to heed, to learn and teach and to fulfill all that is in God’s Torah with love.”  As a Jewish educator, I deeply appreciate the fact that “learn” comes before “teach.”  I walk into my classroom each Sunday, ready to guide my phenomenal students through the inspiring and challenging texts in our binders.  Yet I also enter knowing that I will leave that room knowing far more than I knew at the start of class.  I am there to learn and to teach.

Most of the participants in the class are relatively new to Jewish learning and a few are non-Jewish spouses.  Therefore, each person brings wisdom and knowledge from his or her life.  A typical class session might include students making references to renowned secular philosophers, American business law or Hindu religious and cultural traditions, not to mention the daily inspirations (and grinds) of parenting.  This would be a great conversation on its own, but what amazes me is the way that it all ties together with the texts in the binder and helps frame a “Jewish lens.”  This class is definitely providing transformative Jewish learning for all of the learners, including me.

A Gift from the Non-Jewish Spouse: Reflections on the Part of a PTJL Instructor

What does it mean to be a Jew, especially in our complex world? Here is one Parenting Through a Jewish Lens instructor’s intriguing and perhaps unexpected reflection on this issue, inspired by students he’s met with while teaching PTJL. Given that this is an important and exciting debate, please read Natan Margalit’s blog post and let us know what you think.

I’m always amazed by the things that I learn in my PTJL classes. This year, I am privileged to teach a number of intermarried couples. Like all couples, they bring their personalities and backgrounds, parenting styles, and pet peeves to our PTJL discussions. The added dimension of religious and often cultural diversity makes our class sessions that much more interesting. One thing that I’ve noticed pretty consistently: the non-Jewish partners are usually the ones who are most interested in learning about Jewish ideas of God and prayer.

Typically, the Jewish partner has been brought up in a fairly secular home. Their taken-for-granted Jewishness is often a vital part of their identity – many celebrate holidays, support Israel and Jewish causes, enjoy Jewish food, and understand Jewish humor. But they were not necessarily brought up with a lot of prayer or God talk. In fact, God talk often feels “un-Jewish” to them.

This often confounds and confuses their non-Jewish (and usually Christian) spouses, who ask, “If being Jewish is so important, why didn’t you learn anything about Judaism?” This question leads to discussions about Jewish peoplehood, and how Judaism is a people and a religion mixed together.

But it also brings up the fact that very often the Christian (or formerly Christian) partner is the one who is taking the lead in teaching the kids about God, prayer, the soul, afterlife, etc. – all the things that secular Jews are uncomfortable talking about! The non-Jewish spouse is also quite eager and anxious to learn the Jewish way to approach such subjects. They know they are important, and want to teach their Jewish kids the proper Jewish way. So, I’ve learned in these classes that we – the Jewish community -- may be receiving a huge gift from these non-Jewish spouses: they are helping to re-introduce us to God.  

An Understatement

Michelle Wheeler participated in Parenting Through a Jewish Lens at Temple Beth Shalom in Needham where the overwhelming interest lead to two full classes. If you missed the fall sign up there are two spring classes to take advantage of in Newton and Sharon.

To say that walking into the Parenting Through a Jewish Lens classroom was overwhelming is an understatement. I have not taken a class in years and I had no idea what to expect. I chose to register for the program out of a desire to bring more Jewish traditions into my home and to further the learning experience that my two young children are having at their JCC preschool. Taking Parenting Through a Jewish Lens was the best decision I have made in a long time.

Right away, our instructor, Sabrina Burger, made us feel comfortable and helped us get to know one another. Our class was so friendly and inviting. Each week we explored a different topic and were encouraged to share our opinions - rich conversations ensued. Sabrina was very open to questions and if she didn’t know the answer, she would look into the topic and bring the information and additional resources to the next class.

One ritual I brought home from the class is the reciting of the Shema with my children at bedtime. It is a new part of our routine and we use the colorful card – beautifully illustrated and in Hebrew, English and transliteration that we parents received the first day of class.

I wish this program had a part two that I could attend before my children reach their teenage years (Parenting Your Teen Through a Jewish Lens looks like another wonderful offering.) I highly recommend taking this class for the camaraderie, the conversations, and the guidance. 

Images created by Michael Horen 

Four Pieces of Advice on this Difficult Monday Morning

Parenting Through a Jewish Lens instructor Margie Bogdanow shares her advice in the aftermath of the Newtown, CT tragedy.
 

The grief of the past few days has been unimaginable.  Many of us are torn between watching and listening to the 24/7 onslaught of media coverage and the desire to turn off everything imaginable and run away into a world where Friday’s events could never ever take place. The faces of a grieving community, and most of all the missing faces haunt us.  In this internet savvy world we live in, there has been a flurry of advice to parents. My way of coping is to add my voice to the discussion.  My thoughts are simple and are focused on today, not on next week.  Next week we can talk about next week.






1) Be present.  That means that to the extent possible spend time with your kids this week.  And more importantly, that means that when you ARE with your children, be with them.  Play with them, talk with them, and create with them.  When you are spending time with them, let the phone go unanswered and let your email go unread for a few minutes.

2) Listen to your children.  And then listen some more.  Listen and then respond calmly and simply.  The exact words you use are less important than the fact that you are there to listen to what they are saying, thinking and feeling.   A “yes, it is scary” can be one of the most calming responses to a child.  No, you can’t promise them that you will keep them safe.  But you can be there when they express fear or sadness or have questions.

3) Turn off the TV and radio when you are with them.  They don’t need to keep hearing about it.  It will not help them.

4) Lastly, but not least – Find ways to process this for yourself.  This new reality will now have to be integrated into your life as a parent. You need to express it and process it so that you do not have to process it with your children.  If you are a writer, write something.  If you are a painter, paint something.  If you are a singer, sing something. If you are a doer, do something.  If you are a talker, call a friend, or go out with friends and talk about it.  Or find a coach, a therapist or a parenting consultant to help you integrate this into your life.  Getting help for yourself so that you can help your children is a sign of strength. As we are told every time we take a plane ride.  “Put the oxygen mask on your face before you assist your children”

It is true on airplanes, it is true during everyday life, and it is particularly true in times of crisis.

The First Day of Parenting Through A Jewish Lens

Anyone who jogs or swims knows that the hardest part is usually that first step, that first plunge into the pool.   As an adult who recently signed up for a Parenting Through a Jewish Lens (PTJL) class, I felt that same anxiety about beginning something new and unknown.  But in this case it was coupled with the unpleasant feeling of being a kid again, back in school, not knowing things - a tough feeling when you're in your early thirties.  But I was surprised and relieved about how the first day went.

Our class met at a temple and the teacher was warm and welcoming to the fifteen of us around the table. The teacher had us introduce ourselves and our families, and answer a question to break the ice: what was our most favorite and least favorite part of the day?  Some parents loved ending the day snuggling with their kids or reading to them in bed, some fathers in particular said they loved picking their kids up from preschool.  But for least favorite, there were two biggies: making lunches, and getting kids to brush their teeth before bed.  This last one got the whole group talking, and laughing!  We all ended up sharing tips about how to keep kids on task long enough for them to get any benefit (the best idea I came away with was to have the kids dance to music they liked while brushing--but the music has to last exactly as long they need to brush!).

The composition of the group was also a pleasant surprise.  It was more diverse than I anticipated; it included an African-American woman married to a Jewish guy, an Indian-American man married to a Jewish woman, and a lesbian Jewish mom.  As people talked it became clear that we had much in common: we were looking to get better at parenting, and to learn things about Judaism that could help us raise more thoughtful kids.  One of the participants, whose partner was not Jewish, said she wanted to learn more about Judaism in order to discover what was moving and deep about her own tradition and then pass that on to her daughter.  She worried that her daughter would know otherwise only her partner's culture.  It felt to me that she also wanted to make sure that her daughter really knew her, really knew who her mother was.

It was inspiring, and educational, warm and friendly.  And best of all, it was much more fun than I had thought.  If you're raising a Jewish child, you should put this class on your “to do” list.   

Parenting Through a Jewish Lens classes begin in the fall and run for 10 weeks, with free on-site babysitting for morning classes. Outstanding instructors are adept at facilitating meaningful discussions and provide information and tools while building community. Learn more at www.hebrewcollege.edu/parenting