Mimi Borden lives with her family in Lincoln and just completed Parenting Through a Jewish Lens in Newton.
Since the afternoon in high school when my cross-country
coach (who was my history teacher, a novelist and a stand-up comedian) shared
his philosophy of never being unprepared, preparation has been key to everything
I do. Before starting any project, I like to research, investigate, ask
questions and then make decisions that are as informed as possible. When pregnant with our first child, our bedroom
became a maze of parenting advice. Even though he wasn’t born yet, I had
already read books on sibling rivalry, playground politics, and rainy-day
crafts. I was going to be so prepared for our child, that all of my doubts,
fears and uncertainties would be addressed before they even had a chance to
materialize. In retrospect, it seems like it wouldn’t be too hard to guess how
successful that strategy was.
Fast forward 10 years and while my inclination is still to
research and analyze, most of the time – through work and homework, lessons, play-dates meals and laundry - I find myself flying by the seat of my pants. There have been days when I felt lucky just
to have a clean pair of pants. When I’m being honest, I admit that I
remember only passing fragments of what I read years ago, have the time and
focus to read just a fraction of what I want to, and know that searching for
parenting advice on the Internet invariably ends in a wonderfully chaotic maze
of stuff (including more books in my Amazon shopping cart than I’ll ever read).
What’s more, interactions with my children so rarely unfold as I would have
expected that most of the time my careful planning flies out the window before
the conversation has really gotten started. I feel like I have so many
unfinished thoughts, so many questions all swirling around at once. And at the
center of it all is this desire to slow everything down, for us all to feel
happy and nurtured and whole.
As a possible antidote to some of this, my husband and I signed
up for Parenting Through a Jewish Lens at Temple Emanuel in Newton this past winter and spring. Despite
the fact that our children are 7 and 10, the instructors assured me that the
class would be as relevant for us as for new or expecting parents. I’m thrilled
that we followed through.
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First off, as a parent, I don’t think that there is any
amount of reading that could match the experience of having weekly sessions
with such smart, knowledgeable, kind, caring and compassionate instructors as
Rabbi Michelle Robinson and Judy Elkin. No amount of Internet searching, for
example, could replace sitting in a room and hearing how Rabbi Robinson talks
about doing morning and evening prayers with children. It’s this Jewish blend
of mindfulness that has slowed down our mornings and our evenings. It has made
our children more aware of themselves and their worlds and reminded us of all
the wonderful possibilities of being a parent.
The small class setting was also integral to the
experience. With six couples and our instructors, all who care deeply about
their children and the world, a community sprang up – one that supported and
challenged one another. Hearing others talk about the relationships with their
own parents, fears of being a new parent, questions about faith and Israel and
observance, made the class meaningful in a way that it could never have been if we were doing it on
our own. Sharing this experience with a close community heightened the
questions and the answers and constantly reminded us that we’re all in it
together.
The lessons that emerged from the class, I think and hope
will make a lasting impression on our family life and our parenting styles.
These lessons range from the relatively straightforward to the truly profound,
and I know that we will be thinking about their evolving meanings for our
family for many years. Parenting through a Jewish lens means to me that we are
mindful of special moments and should take the time to mark them, that we are
always there for people who are making their way through difficult times, that
being part of communities is an essential part of life, as is being true to
oneself and nurturing our children to do the same. This view makes a difference
in how we parent. Applying these teachings in meaningful ways enriches both the
big picture of our lives as well as the day to day.
When I think about how PTJL has had an impact, I am also
heartened by the way that Judaism is now positioned for our family. While
enrolled in the class, two devastating tragedies took place very close to home.
Having class to go to as an outlet for questions and confusion raised by both
the shootings in Newtown and the bombings in Boston
For us, PTJL has served many purposes and bridged many
gaps. For me, it certainly tapped into my need for preparation, and in a way
that helped to slow down all the swirling questions in my head and to connect
me more deeply to Judaism, a new community and most of all my family. To celebrate
all the ‘aha’ moments we experienced during our class – and to all the questions
we still have – I breathe and smile and say the Shehecheyanu.
PTJL is being offered at more than a dozen location throughout greater Boston this fall with amazing instructors - we hope you'll join us.
